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basedpidgeot:

gf: babe come over

me (a lawnmower) : no i cant im cutting the grass and you live in the sky

gf: my parents are out

me: image

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unmatespritship:

going to underline something in pen and accidentally crossing it out

image

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earthdad:

my goal in life is to be so hot that people can’t pronounce words right when they’re trying to talk to me

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dutchster:

fvcking-tortiouses:

dutchster:

don’t forget to regularly practice kissing your hand so you know what to do if another hand starts kissing you

What if a lustful foot approaches me *hyperventilates

please keep your foot fetish off my post thank you

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xtjna:

murkdiving:

xtjna:

its literally so fucking stressful how many bathroom stalls ive seen with blood and or poop everywhere like i literally feel like im in silent hill

When i worked in a movie theater in Ybor City Florida, i went to clean late night and someone shitted in the bathroom napkin holder.

Like the automatic one. And i quit right there. I waved my hand on he sensor and a waterfall of shit napkins came out.

NO

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