gf: babe come over
me (a lawnmower) : no i cant im cutting the grass and you live in the sky
gf: my parents are out
my goal in life is to be so hot that people can’t pronounce words right when they’re trying to talk to me
its literally so fucking stressful how many bathroom stalls ive seen with blood and or poop everywhere like i literally feel like im in silent hill
When i worked in a movie theater in Ybor City Florida, i went to clean late night and someone shitted in the bathroom napkin holder.
Like the automatic one. And i quit right there. I waved my hand on he sensor and a waterfall of shit napkins came out.